Comic brings his girlfriend to meet his parents for the first time.  As they walk up the sidewalk he turns to her and says, "What do you want me to say about you?"

A comedian calls the Comedy House office and asks for Aubry Pippin.  The receptionist says "I'm sorry, but Aubry died last night."  The comic thanks her and hangs up.  Ten seconds later he calls back and asks for Aubry.  "Sir, I told you that Aubry Pippin died."  The comic thanks again and hangs up her and hangs up. Ten seconds later he calls back a third time and asks for Aubry.

"Sir, I told you that Aubry Pippin's DEAD!"   The comic says, "I know...I just like hearing it."

How do you give a comic a hard-on?

Put on an apron and carry a tray of drinks.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the highway and a dead impressionist?

The skunk was on the way to a gig.