Geeks
are constantly being misread. Being one is not what it used to be. The pocket protectors
are out. The PDAs are in. Sure, theyre still dressing badly, but all of a sudden,
thats considered cool. Youll never see Geek Fashion sharing shelf space
with Elle or Madamoiselle. Theres nothing you can just wear
that communicates "geek." Participants know that in this fashion game of
"Rock, Paper, Scissors," attitude always beats image. Remember when it wasnt hip to be a computer geek? The geek movement has
always been based on contradictions and going against the norm. Problem is that this
nonconformity has become standard. Geekdoms rising popularity is analogous to
alternative musics transition to Top 40. Like the rebellious pirate DJ Christian
Slater from Pump Up the Volume, who rallied all his listeners together and
shouted, "Lets all be different!"
Id like to dedicate this fashion review to the nerds of our
parents generation. They were the true iconoclastic trend setters of todays
geek movement.
Shirt, Light Jacket Combo |
 |
 |
DON'T |
DON'T |
You can be a TV Nation
model, or just look like one. Yes, Michael Moore is a geek, but not a techno geek. Sorry,
no thumbs up in this fashion piece. |
The Axcess magazine
crutch isnt going to help. A jeans suit with a panda t-shirt? What the hell are you
thinking? |
Where to Be Seen |
 |
DON'T |
Ugh! Sears?! Get away, far away. Your geek pheromones
are not going to attract anyone there. Youd have better success in front of an
Orange Julius. Lose the loafers with no socks. Miami Vice
was canceled 8 years ago. |
The t-shirt/collared shirt combo-A Classic |
 |
 |
DO |
DO |
The Electronics Boutique needs a Las Vegas
greeter? Whatever. Combination wardrobe and backdrop makes a
strong statement, "I spend more money to adorn my computer than myself." Sharp. |
Cellular phone outside a Taco Bell. I love
it. Another classic geek declaration, "Im willing to commit $50 a month to
three years of phone service, but Im only spending $1.35 for lunch." It sure
shows. |
Too Much
|
Too Little is Just Right |
 |
 |
DON'T |
DO |
Im repulsed, yet attracted. Id
like to think hes more interested in Star Wars, but I cant stop staring at
that Don Ho atrocity. Nothing can penetrate that Death Star garment. Not even the goatee. |
Geek clothes dont need contours or
designs. Perfect posture. Definitely not using an ergonomic chair. |
Gaming |
Riding Games |
 |
 |
DO |
DON'T |
That 12 year old excited gaming face is
perfect. Problem is the loose fitting uniform is working against you. Luckily in the world
of geekdom, attitude always overtakes image. |
Hey, Mr. Chinese Connection, are you in a
trance? What has that cult done to you? Shouldnt you be wearing Nikes? Come on, be
cool on a riding game? Dont even try. |
 |
DON'T |
"Shoot em?" Great gaming advice. Yo DiMaggio, baseball caps are not utilitarian indoors. Light from the
machines reflects up, not down. Wearing it backwards(a.k.a. "Over the Top")
indicates that your cap is only a fashion statement. |
Home Gaming |
 |
 |
DO |
DO |
A Nintendo babe! Whooooaaaahhh!!!
Theres a reason shes the only female gamer in this review. Theyre in
short supply. Who cares what shes wearing, lets just bless the Lord that
shes there. |
Red Hot! Excellent gaming posture.
Perfectly positioned accessories. Intent gaming face. Only thing missing is the "Do
Not Disturb" sign. |
Stripes |
 |
 |
DO |
DO |
Glamour suggests wearing a tight
striped shirt to make you look more busty. But who wants to conform? Especially to a
glossy rag like Glamour? Not this geek. Way to stand out. |
Sharp cut, nice specs, untucked simple
stripes and jeans. Sitting in a video arcade with a book? Very analog. |
Not
The Three Stooges |

|
DO |
All classics. Young, hip, and smiling because theyve probably
all made fortunes designing web sites. Definitely not delivering pizzas. |
© 1997, David Spark |